i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
