toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
