How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I did not marry a roomba.
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