Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
