i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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