you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
