tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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