it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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