well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
