Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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