i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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