remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize