i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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