If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
