well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize