I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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