I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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