I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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