Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
