Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
