Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
