So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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