Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
