Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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