jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
