We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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