Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i need some magic done to my vagina
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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