I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
