I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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