I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
