Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
