Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I came so hard my ears popped.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
