So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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