umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
