Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What a dumb baby whore.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
