My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
