How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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