Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
