and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
