Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
