I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
