I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
