Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
