Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
