I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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