tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize