Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
