I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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