You just made me feel so damn special
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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