I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
