I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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