So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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