I'm so fucking centered right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
