We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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