Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
