Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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