Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
