i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
40s are totally the cure
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Shame - the story of my life.
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