i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
