I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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