At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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