Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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