I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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