so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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