My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
