we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
