you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
