I just saw a hot homeless man
sarcasm needs its own font
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
